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faithfool i want to believe

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Have you got the fastest finger? Clickhere to take the World Mouseclicking Competition challenge. I'm not such a clicker myself. The highest score I got was 28.

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

Here's a good one. I like sites with small fonts, clean backgrounds, and simple layouts, which goes to show why I like this site.

Monday, May 13, 2002

Do you believe in evil? I grew up believing in evil, thanks to my Catholic-private-school-education. This is also the reason why everything in me is all fucked-up. I no longer believe most of the things I learned but they're still very much a part of me. The logical part of my mind has long accepted the faults of the cathechism I received. I've long come to terms with the possibility that the Christian faith I inherited may not make as much sense to me as I'd want it to. There's actually a huge part of who that no longer believes these things. Yet, I still want to believe. At least the scared part of me does. Preachers may make so much fuss on the concept of grace and miracles, but STILL a huge part of what they teach you is to believe because you'll be damned otherwise. Somehow, they always focus on the element of fear.
I'm almost through reading Interview with a Vampire. I think the best part of the book is the conversation between Louis and Armand. They were talking about evil.
This is Armand (played by Antonio Banderas in the movie, I think) speaking:

"Why does that make you as evil as any vampire? Aren't there gradations of evil? Is evil a great perilous gulf into which one falls with the first sin, plummeting to the depth?... But you're not being fair. Surely you attribute great degrees and variations to goodness.... And how is this evil achieved? How does one fall from grace and become in one instant as evil as the mob tribunal of the Revolution or the most cruel of the Roman emperors? Does one merely have to miss Mass on Sunday, or bite down on the Communion Host? Or steal a loaf of bread... or sleep with a neighbor's wife? But if evil is without gradation, and it does exist, this state of evil, then only one sin is needed. Isn't that what you are saying? That God exists and..."
Louis: "I don't know if God exists. And for all I do know... He doesn't exist."
Armand: "Then no sin matters. No sin achieves evil."
Louis: That's not true..... And what constitutes evil, real evil, is the taking of a single human life. Whether a man would have died tomorrow or the day after or eventually, it doesn't matter. Because if God does not exist, this life... every second of it... is all we have."

I don't even know what to make of it. I'm not saying that they're right, I'm not saying God does not exist. I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know my answer to that question. But I believe in the importance of human life. Without any concrete proof that there is life after death, then this life is all we have.


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